I work down at the Pizza Pit
And I drive an old Hyundai
I still live with

My mom and dad
I'm 5 foot 3 and overweight
I'm a scifi fanatic
A mild asthmatic

I've never been to second base
But there's whole nother me
That you need to see
Go check out MySpace

Cause online I'm
Out in Hollywood
I'm 6 foot 5 and I
look damn good

I drive a Maserati
I'm a black-belt in karate
And I love a good
Glass of wine

It turns girls on
That I'm mysterious
I tell them I don't
Want nothing serious

Cause even on a slow day
I can have a three way
Chat with two women at one time
I'm so much cooler online

So much cooler online
When I get home I kiss my mom
And she fixes me a snack
And I head down to

My basement bedroom
And fire up my Mac
In real life the only time
I've ever even been to L.A

Is when I got the chance
With the marching band
To play tuba in the Rose Parade
But online I live in Malibu

I pose for Calvin Klein
I've been in GQ
I'm single and I'm rich
And I've got a set of six pack

Abs that would blow your mind
It turns girls on
That I'm mysterious
I tell them I don't

Want nothing serious
Cause even on a slow day
I could have a three way
Chat with two women at one time

I'm so much cooler online
Yeah I'm cooler online
When you got my kind of stats
It's hard to get a date

Let alone a real girlfriend
But I grow another foot and
I lose a bunch of weight
Every time I login 


Online 
I'm out in Hollywood
I'm 6 foot 5 and

I look damn good
Even on a slow day
I could have a three way
Chat with two women at one time

I'm so much cooler online
Yeah I'm cooler online
I'm so much cooler online
Yeah I'm cooler online

Hey I'm cooler online
Yeah I'll see ya online
Hey I'm cooler online